Have you ever…

by tylernielsen

Have you ever been given a dozen red roses? Imagine…you are standing in your kitchen, slicing veggies for a salad, when you hear the door fling open and the cheerful voice of your roommate say (in a sing-song voice), “Happy Roommate Appreciation Day!” He waltzes in carrying a gorgeous arrangement of breathtaking red roses. After he sets them on the dining room table and a few moments pass, you remember. There was a funeral today. These flowers belong to someone. A dead someone. 

In August, I began renting at a friend’s house. Over the course of the past month and a half, he has quickly become one of my closest friends. However, no degree of closeness can completely nullify the awkwardness of the fact that he is a funeral director. No, in and of itself his job is not disturbing. In fact, it’s really quite interesting. But somewhere between the bouquets and the strange connections, the novelty becomes reality. For example..

Last Thursday evening about 11:30, I was cutting up vegetables for Friday’s lunch. Being as stubborn as I am, I decided that I wasn’t going to take the extra time to sharpen a dull butcher’s knife. After all, there was only one cut left on my jicama (if you’ve never tried a jicama…I highly recommend you do!). This resulted in a 2 centimeter laceration on my left pinky finger…and five stitches. When my roommate found out, he offered his services in removing the stitches (he also said he could have given me them to begin with, free of charge) or, if all else failed, he offered his hacksaw. Wonderful! 

Now, perhaps you know someone who directs funerals or operates crematories. If you do, you’re aware of the wide array of tales that can be told. But, if you are not so fortunate, stay tuned. Just tonight, I heard a rattling account of crematory oven fire. In case you were wondering, they burn at 2200 degrees Fahrenheit. So..have you ever? What are your fantastic tales? Somehow, the morbid mixed with the mundane makes for a pleasant combination. Almost as if daisies were pushing through…

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